With this I come to the end of another month without having done many of the things on my to-do list. No money saved (largely due to the new computer I had to buy). Guitar lessons still pending. Bike?? And a lots more!! One thing I am satisfied with is the volume of work I have done. It’s been much more than ever before since I started working on the Clarian account, so that’s something to boost my spirits up. Been spending less time online than is necessary for the first time in months. This really helped me push my productivity to new levels. Money is high on my list now, the more the better. I had to invest this much in my new system, just bought a new monitor. Buying a computer table, keyboard, and I don’t know what else still remains to be done. This has been a month of spending. Also, started the construction at home that I had remained on my to-do list for such a long time. Finally, things are moving.
Sometimes I think life is just that - a long, unreachable to-do list. Yeah, unreachable because there are so many items on that to-do list that it is just not possible to tick all of them off our list in one lifetime. At times, we have to tick items off to make the list more manageable, suppress our desires.
Talking about desire, it brings to my mind my own, unfathomable desires, the inner demons I have to fight with. They sometimes increase the gulf between what I am and what I would ideally like to be. They create conflict. However, I have actually come to terms with them to a much greater level than where I was a few years ago. I remember those days. I was constantly at conflict with my own desires. I was confused. I was striving to understand myself. With the passage of time, as I progressed in years and experience, greater understanding dawned upon me and I began to accept myself and my desires. I still fight against them sometimes, but the conflicts are happening with lesser frequency than they used to. Acceptance is a peaceful.
Acceptance may also be stagnation. If there is no conflict, there is no progress. Conflict is necessary. It keeps me on my toes. It eggs me on to be what I truly want to be instead of letting nature take its own path, and nature is not on my side. It makes me write such retrospective entries in my blog!
Let it pass! I am not really in a mood for such introspection. Let me dwell on more mundane issues. One of them being my imminent trip to Kolkata. Yes, more money involved, but fortunately, Manta has paid for the trip to Kolkata, and I have to pay out of my pocket for the return journey. I needed a break. I had to forgo a lot of activities I would have been involved with had I remained in Kolkata; Shoma’s marriage for one. I am just thinking about spending a few days away from work. I will lose out on some money in the process, but I think I need this. Once back from the trip, I have to work like a madman what with two accounts to deal with. Hoping for the best outcomes as usual. Hope is what keeps my clock ticking. Hope and acceptance.
Well, I think I should stop here without rambling on further. Got some work to attend to. June will see another entry from me, probably tomorrow. I hope :)
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