Evolving mind

Of late, after having known Shoma now for a few months, I have begun to realize that people are more similar than different.  Basically, they are all the same if we peel away the layers of conditioning and prejudices that envelope us.  In trying to understand Shoma, as I usually try to do with all people I come in contact with, I have realized that what we all project is a result of our conditioning and nurture more than our instincts or nature.  These are some concepts which even I find difficulty putting down on to paper but I have the realization.  I feel inadequate when I am unable to explain it more lucidly. 

I think it is a result of my mind evolving.  New realizations are presented to me very now and then; they just dawn upon me.  Sometimes I don’t take notice of them and sometimes I do.  Sometimes I think deeply about them for sometime and then let them by as a passing thought, sometimes they affect me to the extent that I devote more of my thoughts to them.  I feel inadequate to think deeply.  I am a thinker as are most people, but a scattered thinker with no thought staying in my consciousness for more detailed and deep thinking, most of them being pushed into the subconscious.  Most people have a similar thought process.  They cannot hold a thought.  It is more like a random filmstrip with random images being presented to our consciousness.  I wish I was capable of more deeper thought; sometimes I want to do that.  Is this also something that we can teach ourselves like most of the things in life?

I have to learn to say NO.  It is one of the most important virtues to inculcate in myself now.  Say NO to all the less important things in my life that occupy so much of my waking time.  I need to say NO to them and spend time on the things I really would like to do.

This blog has begun to look more like a self-improvement guidebook.  Well, if it helps me bring the best out of myself, I won’t regret it.  I don’t want a readership for my blog.  I am content to write for myself and see if it helps me somehow.  I may start one for public readership soon.  Amen.

Hi 2010!

 

It’s been a few months now since my last post here.  My blog is crying for attention.  I won’t say I have been busy; that would be a very lame excuse.  I just haven’t had the inclination to write of late.  I have been more interested in reading.  One of my resolutions at the beginning of last year was to read some of the books that had been lying with me unread for quite sometime.  Yes, I just got through some of them and bought a few new ones and finished them up as well.  I finished reading Amitav Ghosh’s A Sea of Poppies.  It’s an outstanding piece of work by him, I couldn’t put it down until I had read the last page.  I finished 300 odd pages in about a week.  He is one of the best Indian writers in English I believe.  He has a terrific command of the English language and his prose is flawless, his characters interesting, and his story uncannily coherent and informative.  I loved reading the book and I eagerly await the release of his next book in the series.

I finished Robin Cook’s fast paced medical mystery.  Slumdog Millionaire a.k.a. Q&A by Vikas Swaroop.  Excellent reads, both of them.  I tried to finish the P.G. Wodehouse I had invested so much money in, but unfortunately, I couldn’t, I lost interest midway.  I found it too seeped in early 20th Century English culture which I found a bit difficult to follow, though I enjoyed his style of writing.  Read Chetan Bhagat’s Three Mistakes of My Life – fast paced and very enjoyable.  He’s a good storyteller.  He keeps it simple.  I like his style too.

Currently, I have a Jeffrey Archer to finish.  Again, finding it a bit difficult to understand the context as it belongs to early 20th Century English society, but I will read along and see how much interest I can generate.

P.G. Wodehouse and Ayn Rand will have to wait.  Atlas Shrugged needs to be finished, but not right now.

Well, coming back to how I welcomed New Year this time, I think I couldn’t have done better.  I worked, night shift.  Although that sounds very boring, I think it was a constructive way to step into a new year.  I had the mandatory party on the 3rd of January with the pada guys.  Alcohol and fags as usual.  One of my resolutions this year was to quit fags.  I have partially succeeded up until now.  I have managed to keep my intake to the minimum.  I am looking forward to cutting back on my tobacco intake.  It’s stickier than Fevicol for sure.  I am a veteran now of making resolutions and failing to live up to them.  I am not alone.

I had joined the gym last year in September but couldn’t keep up the routine and there has a gap of two months since the last time I attended gym.  I am planning to get back into shape (like I have been planning for years!).

Work has been shaping up quite well except for night shifts.  One primary reason for my not being a regular at the gym is night shifts.  I have a few ideas floating around in my head for sometime, let’s see what I can do about them.  I hope to figure out a way soon.  Money was something high on my priority list the previous year, and I think I have fared quite well in that department.  There are more milestones to reach, however.

Well, I think this much will do for a New Year entry.  More next time, which will be soon.  I need to put some of my original thoughts down into the written form before they are too lost to be retrieved.  And also just to be able to see what’s on my mind with my own eyes gives me a sense of purpose.  Blogging is good.

Until then…keep evolving.

New guy in the gym!

I finally took the BIG step of joining the gym last week.  This particular item had been on my to-do list for I don’t know how long, must have been years.  I was actually quite pleasantly surprised to find that I hadn’t lost my fitness to the extent that I had imagined.  I still could do a few routine exercises quite easily and without much loss of energy.  That was a revelation!  That was just enough to give me the confidence and the motivation I needed to continue to increase my fitness level to what it was 10 years back and then go beyond.  Somehow, I felt I could do it if 7 years of an 8-hour-a-day desktop job hadn’t been able to rust me up!

Wow!! Am I glad I joined the gym.  You bet I am!

However, I just can’t bet my money on how long I am going to continue as has always been my nature.  I start a good thing going only to let it slow down to a stop midway.  Not any more!  I hope!

Kudos to myself for at least beginning the process! My sudden change of work timings to a day shift slot did help though, and I really hope it remains so.

Amen!

In search of the right specimen!

I have been on the lookout for ages now, but it seems like a never-ending search.  I don’t understand why should it be so important for me! The search for the right person to share my genes with and pass it on for posterity.  I have met specimens of all shapes, sizes and colors, only to reject one after the other.  Yes, I have been rejected a few times too, though they may not have been very overt, but they were a rejections all right.  Whatever!

I found a few good specimens to experiment and share my genes with but seems like they lost a golden opportunity to be a part of my research! They never realized the worth! Whatever!

A few specimens have been on my list for a long time now, one who’s afraid to sign the dotted line and two who are willing by all means but I have doubts whether they carry the right DNA for generation next.  I wish I could use a trial and error method, but that would be antisocial and criminal.  I have to use the other method, objective evaluation and rejection.  Whatever!

This is a biological craving.  The need to expand our genetic programming.  And what not it makes us do!!  I have done the most embarrassing of things just to calm my raging instincts.  Yes, unmentionable, but one fine day I just might enter them here in my blog, one fine day…..

Whatever!

According to a 2009 Marist College poll, "whatever" was voted as the phrase that is "most annoying in conversation".  (Source:  Wikipedia).

There’s a season for festivals

It’s midway through the festival season in India now.  Well, to be honest, the festival season never ends here in India, but the period from September to December has more festivals celebrated here than during any other period of the year, namely Durga puja, Eid, Kali puja, Laxmi puja, Ganpathi Chaturthi, Navratri, Dusserah, Ram Navami, Diwali, Bhai phoonta, et al.

I had to buy new clothes as has been the norm set by my family (as almost all Bengali families around the world) during Durga puja each year.  I could have done without it, but did not want to disappoint ma and Ranga; they surely were expecting new clothes even though they did not vocalize their thoughts.  In a way, it’s a nice custom to buy clothes for others and yourself during Durga puja, as it is we don’t buy clothes all round the year.  We need some new clothes after all.  It brings a certain freshness into our lives (and sets the outflow motion of money which is not that bad a thing considering money is meant to flow).

I wanted to buy something for Deepali too but didn’t want to risk angering ma over this, she would have raised a storm.  I gave her my mobile instead.  I don’t know how foolish an act that was, but I somehow felt good doing it (maybe because I had said I would and I didn’t want to go back on my words).  She had been holding back since the last few days and that had sent my male instincts into a chaotic flutter, but in spite of all my egoistic misgivings, I managed to convince myself to go through with the plan.  I thought that would be the mature thing to do.  I hope it was.  I believe it was.

Again, my credit card burden is hovering at the heaviest, what with all that shopping extravaganza.  It’s not that I bought a big bag of goodies, but as usual, I hadn’t been saving money for the puja shopping, so I had to pay using my credit card even though it already has an unpaid bill that I can ill-afford.  Earning all that extra cash has come in handy and I certainly need to maintain the standards set and raise the level too.  Finally, I am beginning to make a move towards where I had wanted to go.

I have my eyes set on the bike once again, after all that brainstorming, making and unmaking plans, innumerable moments of intense self-analytical thoughts, I have my eyes set on the bike once gain.  Just can’t get it out of the system (maybe because I still haven’t been able to totally convince myself it is not worth it).  I think I should own one before its too late, even if it is only for a few months.  Way to go!

Puja came and puja went, in the blink of an eyelid.  I had invited all the ‘pada’ guys over to my place for a rooftop chilled beer session.  That was on Novomi.  I was more keen about clicking a few pictures to upload in Orkut, it had been months that I hadn’t and I needed some new fodder for uploading.  Went out with them after a few thirsty swigs and feeling that pleasant tipsy way that only beer can make you feel.  Felt the need for a girl as always (ever since my male hormones had become active) without much I could do about it, except regret that I hadn’t tried much in life.  The beer always makes me feel that way.  Sometimes I feel that way even when sober.

This must be the most incoherent entry in my blog.  There are a million entries in my head but, as always, I never have the time to actually sit and write them down.  That’s probably my innate laziness at work again.  Will try harder next time.  Until then, Good night!

random sampling

this is a hurriedly written post...so i m abandoning my usual adherence to grammar and spelling...i dunno where i m going wrong, but wherever it is.......it's weighing heavy on my mind...focus focus focus......i need to focus more at the priorities in my life and let go of this inertia that has me in a tight grip....i m trying to wriggle free out of this junkyard called complacency.......help!!!

Goals revisited

It's been eight months now that I have been at home, the longest I have ever been since I moved out of home after my 12th standard exams. Works seems to be moving along smoothly with a few hiccups every now and then, just a reality check reminding me to thank my Gods! I like being grateful, and I appreciate this quality in others.

I have been revisiting my goals of late. My 28th birthday is fast approaching and I think I should really do something worthwhile this time. I was thinking of getting admitted to a gym. This had been on my t0-do list as well at the beginning of this year, but I hadn't taken any steps to get this done. I will do it this time, no more procrastinating! And, it's really time I get back into shape. I am in horrible shape now, not to mention my poor athletic condition. It's a shame I have let things come to this! Anyways, it's never too late.

Another thing that's been on my mind of late is money$$ :) I have been working doubly hard to earn some extra cash. I have been feeling the need to earn more very strongly since the last month or two. In the meantime, since my last blog, I have also started working for Focus, albeit in a small way. They are good with payments, got the little amount due to me last month for the work that I had done. It was timely, no hassles. Expecting a decent pay next month, more than I usually make. Money is a priority now. Some of the things on my to-do list need money to be accomplished!

A bicycle is also on my mind. A sports bike, not the regular variety. The motorbike desire is fading away fast as I get more acquainted with reality. Goals should not be too rigid. We should be flexible enough to mould them according to our best interests!

Lets see how the next month unfolds. Miles to go.................